Michael Bloomberg orders drone strike on suspected ‘food terrorist’

Food terrorist
(NEW YORK) During Kentucky Senator Rand Paul’s filibuster attempting to shed light on drone policy, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg ordered an NYPD drone to take out a suspected “food terrorist.”

“We have reason to believe that there was a smuggling operation of 7-11 Big Gulps and salt shakers,” said Bloomberg in a press briefing following the strike. He continued, “There are serious dangers to large sodas and salt shakers, dangers that could potentially kill innocent Americans.” This is the first known U.S. drone strike on U.S. soil to address the problem of domestic food terrorists. The White House released a statement shortly after the attack stating that, “this is a perfect example of an ‘imminent threat,’ this falls well within the reasonable constitutional grounds outlined by Eric Holder’s reply to Senator Paul.”

Many people on Twitter have posted their support for Michael Bloomberg and the Obama administration, with blogger Andrew Sullivan opining “who are we to question the President on this matter? I trust our government to do what is right in this regard.” The New York Times has released a mock-up of their front page regarding Bloomberg as a hero, while attacking Senator Paul for his self indulgent love of candy and soda pop.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.